New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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