whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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