I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just pynch a tree in the face
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
