I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
