I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
