go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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