I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
