FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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