Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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