I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
