i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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