This girl is more easily done than said...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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