don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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