I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
