so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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