Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we made out on top of his cat.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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