How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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