honey bunches of taint.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I could fuck to npr.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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