I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
