Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
