Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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