do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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