Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
