what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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