i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
