I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
