Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
