I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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