My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it's like heaven, but drunker
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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