I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize