Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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