so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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