So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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