In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
