I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
