I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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