Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize