I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
