fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
