Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
