Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
