Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
