I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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