I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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