we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
