I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just google imaged poop.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
