When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
