i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize