It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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