Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
