I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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