doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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