Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
