I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
