I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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