Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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