I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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