I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
